I had a weird moment today.
I started the morning teaching my regular Sunday morning classes. In general, some classes feel better than others and today was one of those days where my classes felt really spot on. The energy was light and fun and I felt like there was a lot of joy in the room.
As I was driving back home I decided to cross the bridge and take a different route home and ended up stopping at the grocery store. As I entered I saw a yoga student I hadn't seen in long time. We shared a really great hug and a lovely conversation and again I just felt a lot of joy. It made my day! After having some not so joyous conversations with some people in the days prior about my decision to quit my job and focus on teaching yoga for awhile, it was so good to run into somebody who was genuinely really excited for me. I left the store feeling light and happy.
Then as I was walking to my car, but a few steps later, I had a weird feeling of impending doom. The kind that happens when things fall into place and feel so good that you think "Oh God, something is going to go terribly wrong very soon!" As if we aren't allowed to feel good for too long.
And in that moment I started to wonder why I couldn't just let myself revel in this moment. I was feeling so good, and light, and joyful, and free. I was feeling so with it! If I had been feeling shitty I certainly would have reveled in it! When things are going badly it can be annoyingly easy for me to feel like I deserve it and to just sit & stew in that miserable, miserable state. So why, when I was feeling so damn good, could I not just enjoy it?
"Why is this happening?" I wanted to scream to the Gods!
So I got in my car and, no joke, just said "No!" out loud to myself. Then I sang really, really loudly in my car the whole way home and reveled in my good feelings! Because feeling like bad things are going to happen because things are going well is moronic. That makes no sense.
So revel in the light and when weird moments or thoughts come your way feel free to shout "no!" and get on with it! As a friend of mine and I used to say - "It feels good to feel good!" So, let yourself feel good! And for as long as you like!