My mom, I think, always thought I would be a writer, doctor, or famous singer. My mom, it seems, also has a skewed sense of my abilities and talent. I wrote a lot of stories as a kid. I wrote a lot of stories on this paper that had a blue "under the sea" themed border. I think the stories were probably good for a ten year old. I did (and do still) have a very active imagination after all. The issue with wanting to write now is that I haven't excelled much past that 10 year old self... The other issue, admittedly the "real" issue, is that I don't want to put myself out there for judgement and critique (because I'm sure MILLIONS of people will be flocking to a blog that doesn't know what it's about, written by a person who is mostly just confused, that is still in its trial period on Squarespace, to ravage it apart). Despite my confusion, introversion (more on that later) and distaste for sharing anything I've written; I still have the ambition and the desire to succeed in doing what I want, though that ambition and desire looks different in me than it does in others. I'm not going to self promote. I'm not going to "lean in" (more on that later too, as I actually very much enjoyed Sandberg's book). I am going to constantly freak out about issues I've likely entirely made up in my own head. And I am totally going to lose track of my train of thought mid blog post. (What point am I trying to make here)?
I like writing because it is a way to discuss and share the things I am usually too shy to bring up in actual conversation. I want to succeed by quietly working things out in my head and slowly building them up until there is less risk. Ideally I'd be creating a blog or website after already having a solid business as a yoga instructor and/or Ayurvedic health practitioner - but those things are far off so I have to start quietly building that up now. So, because I like to write and my dear sweet mother things I'm good at it, I'm going to write a post every day for 30 days while I sort out the direction I want this website/blog to go. And because it makes me feel vulnerable. And because it's the only way I'll get better at writing. And because I'm over irony and want to talk about things I care about despite my best efforts to pretend I don't (more on that later too, probably). And because I f*cking feel like it.